Thursday, September 15, 2022

Strange Disease Generator

Fictional diseases can be a great way to add some verisimilitude to a setting while setting it apart from real life. These tables allow you to easily create something interesting and unique for your world. I wrote most of these tables while I was incredibly sick, which did help with inspiration, but I can’t recommend researching illnesses and writing about them while you’re already sick. It really isn’t a great distraction.

I recommend rolling 2-4 times on the Symptoms table to create an interesting combination. All of the symptoms are relatively grounded and should fit in just about any setting, but their severity can vary a lot. If you have a particular severity in mind, you might want to roll a couple of extra times then cut the rolls that don’t fit, or just choose the options yourself. 

Whenever a table entry says ‘body part’ you can either roll on the body part table or choose a more specific body part yourself.

Content warning: gross stuff (obviously)


Symptoms (d100)

  • 1-2 Flu symptoms
  • 3-4 Extremely runny nose
  • 5-6 Can’t keep food down
  • 7-8 Fever
  • 9-10 Body part aches
  • 11-12 Extreme weakness
  • 13-14 Stomach ache
  • 15-16 Extreme dehydration
  • 17-18 Dizziness
  • 19-20 Sleepiness
  • 21-22 Diarrhoea
  • 23-24 Bruising
  • 25-26 Loss of taste
  • 27-28 Loss of smell
  • 29-30 Swollen eyelids impairing vision
  • 31-32 Swollen and painful body part
  • 33-34 Extremely bad breath
  • 35-36 Can’t stop sneezing
  • 37-38 Extreme sensitivity to touch
  • 39-40 Coughing up bile
  • 41-42 Flaking skin on body part
  • 43-44 Itchy body part
  • 45-46 Rash on body part
  • 47-48 Spots on body part
  • 49-50 Pronounced veins on body part
  • 51-52 Hair falling out
  • 53-54 Hard growths on body part
  • 55-56 Nosebleeds
  • 57-58 Coughing up blood
  • 59-60 Blurred vision
  • 61-62 Pus from ears
  • 63-64 Withering body part
  • 65-66 Body part changes colour
  • 67-68 Eyes change colour
  • 69-70 Chalky skin on body part
  • 71-72 Causes sleepwalking
  • 73-74 Hot flushes
  • 75-76 Affects children worse than adults
  • 77-78 Affects adults worse than children
  • 79-80 Confusion and disorientation
  • 81-82 Body part paralysed
  • 83-84 Muscle spasms
  • 85-86 Uncontrollable shaking
  • 87-88 Hallucinations
  • 89-90 Sensitivity to bright light
  • 91-92 Extreme hunger
  • 93-94 Weakened bones
  • 95-96 Loss of voice
  • 97-98 Sensitivity to loud sounds
  • 99-00 Loss of appetite

Body Part (d6)

  1. Torso
  2. Arm
  3. Leg
  4. Face/head
  5. Entire body
  6. Roll 1d4 twice on this table

The Treatment table will generate a cure for your sparkly new disease. The cures it generates will be weird. They’re based on real life folk remedies, mainly the more bizarre medieval ones, so they don’t really fit in modern or sci-fi settings. It’s up to you whether the remedy you generate actually works or is just superstition.

When an entry in the Treatment table uses the word substance, roll on the Substance table. The Substance table includes plants from all around the world, so you might want to reroll if they don’t match the climate or area in your world. Also, you can occasionally generate some truly absurd treatments, like eating only ash for a month, which might warrant a reroll.

Treatment (d20)

  1. Ingest substance
  2. Apply substance to affected area
  3. Apply substance to body part
  4. Line shoes with substance
  5. Touch copper until better
  6. Apply pressure to affected area
  7. Lie beneath the full moon
  8. Sleep on rocks
  9. Inhale substance odour
  10. Sleep with substance under pillow/head
  11. Eat only substance for two weeks
  12. Bathe in substance
  13. Drain blood from affected area
  14. Fast for 1d6 days
  15. Abstain from eating meat
  16. Make a pilgrimage to a temple
  17. Sleep within a fairy ring
  18. Hear the call of a rare bird
  19. Keep substance under tongue
  20. Lie with substance over eyes for 1d6 hours

Substance (d100)

  • 1-2 Raw meat
  • 3-4 Ash
  • 5-6 Herbal mixture
  • 7-8 Milk
  • 9-10 Honey
  • 11-12 Tree sap
  • 13-14 Cinnamon
  • 15-16 Ginger
  • 17-18 Garlic
  • 19-20 Liver
  • 21-22 Moss from a holy temple
  • 23-24 Egg
  • 25-26 Mint
  • 27-28 Salt
  • 29-30 Pepper
  • 31-32 Tea
  • 33-34 Citrus
  • 35-36 Olive oil
  • 37-38 Urine
  • 39-40 Fermented snake
  • 41-42 Alcohol
  • 43-44 Sea water
  • 45-46 Turmeric
  • 47-48 Butter
  • 49-50 Cheese
  • 51-52 Yoghurt
  • 53-54 Sugar
  • 55-56 Bone marrow
  • 57-58 Crushed bone
  • 59-60 Gingko
  • 61-62 Echinacea
  • 63-64 Lavender
  • 65-66 Aloe Vera
  • 67-68 Celery
  • 69-70 Barberry
  • 71-72 Chilli
  • 73-74 Papaya
  • 75-76 Mushrooms
  • 77-78 Coffee
  • 79-80 Thistle
  • 81-82 Fennel
  • 83-84 Liquorice root
  • 85-86 Flaxseed oil
  • 87-88 Chamomile
  • 89-90 Oregano
  • 91-92 Rosemary
  • 93-94 Elderberry
  • 95-96 Cranberry
  • 97-98 Blueberry
  • 99-00 Grape

I will leave you with this:

A woman creates a new extra strong peppermint beverage known for its low vitamin D content, she calls it ‘Mindy's Min-D Minty Mint Tea’


Mysterious Fae Generator


Are your adventuring party making their way through a mysterious forest filled with strangely coloured fungi and the croaks and chitters of otherworldly fauna? Want them to encounter a strange being with alien motivations? Then you’ve come to the right place! Roll a couple of dice and these tables will spit out something truly strange to baffle and befuddle them.

The Distinctive Feature table is the most important. I suggest rolling on it twice to get a more interesting result.

The Motivation table is self explanatory. To keep that otherworldly feeling, try to interpret its results from an alien perspective. For example, a fae might decide the best way to find a friend or lover is to kidnap or enchant them. Or they might consider something as intelligent as a human or as powerful as a dragon to be a perfect pet.

The Entourage table determines what the fae’s companions are. It’s up to you to decide if they’re its subjects, friends, slaves, etc.

Combine all these ingredients and you’ve got yourself an otherworldly stew cooking up.

Distinctive Feature (d100)

  • 1-2 Small, vestigial wings
  • 3-4 Large, ornate wings
  • 5-6 Eyebrows that protrude like whiskers
  • 7-8 Flowers growing from hair
  • 9-10 Sparkling skin
  • 11-12 Iridescent skin
  • 13-14 Fingers double the length of human fingers
  • 15-16 Extremely tall and slender
  • 17-18 Skin like bark
  • 19-20 Extremely attractive to all
  • 21-22 Their every word is completely captivating
  • 23-24 Animals are docile in their presence
  • 25-26 Irises seem to be made of flame
  • 27-28 No irises
  • 29-30 Iridescent eyes
  • 31-32 Nails like glass
  • 33-34 Hair that drags along the ground
  • 35-36 Inhuman amounts of curly hair
  • 37-38 A swirling breeze follows them everywhere
  • 39-40 Water goes completely still in their presence
  • 41-42 Water ripples in their presence
  • 43-44 Cats love them
  • 45-46 They cast no shadow
  • 47-48 Small antlers
  • 49-50 Fires extinguish in their presence
  • 51-52 Fires grow in their presence
  • 53-54 Skin made of tiny scales
  • 55-56 Swirling patterns on skin
  • 57-58 Razor sharp teeth
  • 59-60 Their singing induces sleep
  • 61-62 Jewelry that looks like beetle shells
  • 63-64 Wildly coloured hair
  • 65-66 Completely hairless
  • 67-68 Antlers in the shape of a crown
  • 69-70 Childlike appearance
  • 71-72 An unreasonable amount of bracelets and necklaces
  • 73-74 Birds use them as a perch
  • 75-76 Intricately braided hair filled with ornaments
  • 77-78 They shift into a new form each day
  • 79-80 A crystal orb that shows visions only they can see
  • 81-82 Extremely long, pointed ears
  • 83-84 Whiskered face, resembling a cat or fox
  • 85-86 Feathered
  • 87-88 Feather decorated clothing
  • 89-90 Skin emits a soft glow
  • 91-92 A grotesque mask
  • 93-94 An elegant mask
  • 95-96 A bell they ring at specific times or events
  • 97-98 A magical weapon
  • 99-00 Mushrooms grow from their skin

Motivation (d8)

  1. Find a lover
  2. Cause mischief
  3. Get revenge
  4. Hunt a mythical beast
  5. Find a land to claim as their own
  6. Add to their entourage
  7. Find a child to raise as their own
  8. Find a friend

Entourage (d12)

  • 1-3 Similar beings
  • 4-6 No entourage
  • 7 Floating orbs of light
  • 8 Tall humanoid fae
  • 9 Tiny humanoid fae
  • 10 Small, grotesque creatures
  • 11 Elemental creatures
  • 12 Wild animals

I will leave you with this:

What if trees could commit crimes